Becoming a mother has changed and challenged me in so many ways. One major revelation I've had as a result of motherhood, is seeing for the first time just how self centered I've become. My life is no longer all about me (although, it never should have been in the first place). Social media had become a way for me to brag to others about my life. As embarassing as this is to admit, I found myself doing things just to have something to show or tell my followers on social media, so in turn I could have the affirmation from them that my life was interesting. I found myself wasting countless hours comparing myself to others as I looked through photos and status updates each day.
When Elliott came along, the Lord used him to convict me of the jealousy and greed that had taken root in my heart as a result of the time I was spending on social media. I began to feel guilty for using the time I could be spending with my son (who is growing faster every minute), to see what others (some that I don't even know) are doing.
Our church recently went through a sermon series on the minor prophets of the Bible. Every Sunday as I listened to Nathan share about people who were ignoring God and living for their own selfish desires, I kept hearing a nagging voice in my head telling me I was just like them. I left church for weeks with the conviction to quit living my life to please others and start living to please God. However, I did just like the people in each of the minor prophets, and ignored God's plea to turn back to Him. It wasn't until after the final week of the series when Dr. Scott Duvall came to speak at our church about being bound by fear. He explained that fear is one of the ways Satan binds us and keeps us from doing God's will for our lives. He went on to explain that there are many different types of fear, one of which is fear of what other people think of us. I didn't fully grasp why I had been feeling convicted of wasting time on social media until I heard that. I was living my life in bondage to the fear of not being able to live up to other people's standards, and as a result I was missing out on God's will for my life, being a supportive wife and a devoted mother. I'm just glad I realized this before Elliott is grown and gone.
So, that night I went home and deleted all of my social media accounts. It's been difficult. I feel disconnected in many ways, but mostly it's been so satisfying. I am no longer wasting time and energy stressing over impressing others on social media. I am no longer wasting time and energy wishing my life looked more like someone else's. I am enjoying more time soaking up God's greatest gifts to me, my husband and my son. I still have work to do. This is only a starting point. Satan is working to find other means of distracting me, but I'm aware of that now, and fighting to stay focused on what is important in life.
You may not see my comments appearing on your blogs as often these days, please know it's not because I'm not interested in your lives, but rather because I don't want to give Satan a foothold. I'm keeping this blog to share updates about our family with family and friends who live out of town, and trying to resist the urge to use it to seek affirmation from others. I do not judge others who use social media, there are plenty of you who are able to mange your time and fight the temptations social media provides. Social media can be a very valuable source of advertising and communicating with others. However, it's just not for me right now. I would appreciate your prayers as I try to steer clear of this temptation in my life, and manage my new free time wisely.
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