The First Few Weeks as a Family of Three.


We've been a family of three for three weeks now.  In some ways it feels like Elliott has been with us longer, but at other times I can't believe it's already been three weeks.  I know these first weeks as new parents will be filled with memories we will look back on fondly throughout our lives, and I wish I could document everything we have experienced and felt during this new stage of life, but my thoughts are so many, it's hard to get it all down.

Life is so different as a family of three.  People tell you when you are pregnant how "everything will change when you have a baby."  But, I'm not sure you can really comprehend just how much your life will change until you are there; up at 3am with a crying baby, and home on nights and weekends, because he can't go out until he has his shots.

I'm certainly not saying having a baby is miserable, I'm just explaining our new reality.  Gary and I are used to being able to come and go as we please.  We like to go out with friends, or on dates with each other, but life with a newborn has not allowed much of that.  Our evenings and weekends are spent on the couch or in bed resting between diaper changes and feedings, or rocking Elliott in an attempt to soothe him when he's crying and we don't know why.  Taking care of a baby is a full time job... night and day.

I can tell we have both changed so much in just 3 short weeks.  Friday night my parents came to stay with Elliott so Gary and I could go on a date.  We went out to dinner at Sushi Cafe so I could enjoy my first glass of wine and Sushi in 10 months.  I was looking so forward to getting out of the house, since I have not left for more than a grocery run or pediatrician visit since E was born.  However, once we arrived and were seated, all we could talk about was Elliott, wondering what he was doing, and if he was ok without us.  We even sat and looked through pictures of him on our iPhones.  Looking around at all the people dressed up for a carefree night out drinking with friends, we suddenly felt older.  We knew that unlike the other people there, we would only have one drink, and then be home with our baby by 9:30... and we were totally ok with that.

Another thing people tell you during pregnancy is how much you will love your child.  Again, I don't think you can truly comprehend how deep your love for your baby will be until you've felt it.  When I look at Elliott, I think he is absolutely perfect.  I got emotional just looking at him last night, thinking how I never wanted anyone to hurt him.  I would do absolutely anything for that little guy.  My whole life has changed to take care of him, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

So what have we been up to the past 3 weeks?  Maybe the best way for me to remember is through photos, so here are a few favorites from our first 3 weeks home:

Introducing Maggie and Lola to Elliott.  They are both very curious about him.
Getting his first bath with help from his Mom and Grandma.
He wasn't a fan of bath time.
Dad rocking Elliott to sleep to Band of Horses.  He loves music, especially Indie Rock.
The louder the better, puts him right to sleep.
We've had lots of visitors, including Elliott's first friend, (and maybe someday girlfriend) Paisley. 
He loves his swing! He even slept in it for the first 2 weeks,
refusing to sleep in his cradle until we got a "Nap Nanny".



Life as a family of three has been a major adjustment.  It's true what they say, "a baby changes everything!"  Our lives have been changed for the better with the addition of sweet Elliott.

Elliott's Newborn Photos.

At about 10 days old, Elliott had his first photo shoot.  He was an excellent subject!  He slept the whole time, and let us pose him however we wanted (as long as we had the space heater nearby).  Amy and her husband, Jeff, were so patient with us.  She's such a talented and creative photographer!  We were very pleased with her and how our photos turned out.  Here's a sneak peak:








On weight checks and nursing:

Being a first time mom has come with many challenges.  One of the biggest challenges has been nursing.  Elliott's jaundice caused him to loose quite a bit of weight, dropping from 8 pounds, 11 ounces at birth to 7 pounds 14 ounces when we left the hospital.  As a result, we have had weight checks with our pediatrician every 3 to 4 days since we left the hospital, and they will continue until Elliott reaches his birth weight again.

At E's first Doctor's appointment.

Before becoming a Mom, when I would hear about women who chose not to nurse their babies, I would instantly judge them.  Why wouldn't you want to nurse? It's better for your baby, it saves money, and helps your body return to its pre-pregnancy state.  I thought these women were being selfish.

On the other side, I now regret ever judging a woman's decision to not nurse.  Nursing is hard work, for Mom and for baby.  Nursing takes 30-45 minutes per feeding, whereas bottle feeding takes 10-15 minutes per feeding.  Nursing a newborn is just plain exhausting.  Elliott will be 3 weeks old on Thursday and has yet to return to his birth weight on a diet of breast milk.  We have tried multiple techniques and I have worn myself out trying to get him to his birth weight on breast milk alone.  I have left the Doctor's office heartbroken multiple times, feeling like I did everything I could and yet my child had not gained a single ounce.

The first week home I thought I would never sleep again.  Elliott wanted to nurse all night long.  As soon as I would pull him off, he would start screaming as though he hadn't eaten anything.  I cried too, because I didn't know how to help him, and I wanted more than anything to breastfeed.  I felt like I would be failing if I gave him formula.  However, after multiple weight checks with no progress, I realized I had to quit beating myself up and do what was best for my baby, even if that meant supplementing formula when needed.

I've been determined to stick it out, even though it hasn't gone how I envisioned it.  Elliott is now up to 8 pounds, 8 ounces, just 3 ounces shy of his birth weight.  This progress didn't come without sacrifice though.  We started "triple feeding" two weeks ago, meaning I nurse Elliott on both sides for a total of 30 minutes, then give him a bottle with 1 oz. of pumped milk (if I have enough) or formula (when I don't have enough pumped milk).  After he's fed, I pump for 10-15 minutes to increase my milk supply and have milk for his next bottle.  The whole process takes about an hour, and we do it every 2 hours (from the start of one session to the start of the next) during the day, and every 3 hours at night, meaning I have about an hour (2 at night) between feedings (if he goes to sleep) before starting again.  Oh, and then I have to wash and sterilize all of the pump parts after each pumping session.  See what I mean? Exhausting, right?

Dr. Davis checking Elliott out.

But, it's been a rewarding experience too.  There is no better way for a mother to bond with her baby than nursing.  It is a wonderful feeling to be able to provide nutrition and comfort for Elliott any time and any place with just my body.  My milk supply has increased, and I now only have to give him a bottle about twice a day, meaning I can start storing my pumped milk for when I return to work next month.  I don't know if we will make it to the one year mark nursing, but I'm determined to try it as long as I can, because I know it's what's best for Elliott.  However, I'll never again judge a woman for formula feeding her baby.  Every woman and baby is different, and you have to do what's best for you and your baby.  If nursing is exhausting you to the point that you can't enjoy time with your baby, maybe formula feeding is best for the both of you.  I had to learn to swallow my pride and do what was best for Elliott, even if it meant supplementing formula when I could tell he was still hungry.


We return for what I hope will be our final weight check on Friday morning.  I couldn't have made it to this point without giving up nursing, had it not been for my supportive family and friends.  My mom has helped do laundry, run errends, stayed with E while I got some fresh air, and even spent the night rocking him so I could sleep between feedings.  Gary has also helped tremendously, rocking and comforting Elliott when he's fussy so I can pump or have a break.  


Being a Mom is hard work, but it's more rewarding than anything I've ever done.  I've learned more about myself through this experience than I ever thought possible.



Life lately, according to my iPhone.












[1.] Elliott rooting for the Hogs during the Cotton Bowl.
[2.] "Push present" from my honey. [3.] Sweet hands.
[4.] Home in our own beds. [5.] Our tiny miracle. 
[6.] Bright eyes. [7.] Newborn photo session. [8.] Rocking E to sleep. 
[9.] My two boys.[10.] Mommy time. [11.] Lazy day in bed. 



Gary's 28th Birthday.


Today we celebrated Gary's 28th Birthday.  We had a low key birthday party at home with family and a couple of close friends tonight.  I was very pleased with the Razorback birthday cake I got from Community Bakery. Not only did it look good, it tasted pretty good too.

I'm so thankful for Gary.  He is a wonderful husband and father, and it was a joy to celebrate his life with our loved ones and new baby boy tonight.  Happy Birthday babe, I hope 28 will be a great year for you!

Phototherapy.

We brought Elliott home from the hospital on Saturday January 7th... little did we know we would return less than 24 hours later.  When we were discharged on the 7th, we were told that Elliott's bilirubin levels were borderline high, and that we should have them tested again in 24 hours to make sure they hadn't continued to rise.  So Sunday morning we returned to the hospital to have his lab work done.  We had to sit and watch as they struggled to draw blood from his tiny arm, and then wait 45 minutes for the results.  When the doctor called to tell us that his levels had risen, I thought we would head to the nursery for a couple of hours of phototherapy and then be allowed to go home, so I was heartbroken when she informed me he would have to be readmitted and stay overnight.

Our first night home had been a hard night.  Elliott cried most of the night, but refused to nurse.  I hadn't slept more than a couple of hours since the night before we arrived to be induced.  I was worried sick over the fact that Elliott hadn't nursed much since his first night, and therefore had not used the bathroom more than a couple of times.  I had expressed my concerns to several of the nurses during our stay at the hospital, but they were dismissed and met with the reply that "lots of newborns are really sleepy the first couple of days of life, he'll wake up and nurse more in a day or two."

I mentioned my concerns to our nurse when we returned and checked in to our new room, and I was met with a similar response.  Being a new, sleep deprived mom, worried about her baby, I broke down in tears when the nurse left the room.  Amidst my hormonal break down, another nurse arrived to deliver Elliott's phototherapy light and took pity on me.  After explaining my concerns to her, she returned with a breast pump and some formula.  She explained that Elliott wasn't eating because his bilirubin levels had made him so weak and tired, and that in order to get his levels down we needed to get him to eat so he could pass the bili through his urine.  I was to pump every two hours since he was too weak to nurse in order to get my milk to come in.  Any colostrum I was able to collect, I could feed him through a syringe, along with 10-15 cc's of formula.  I felt so relieved to finally know what was wrong with my baby and how I could help him.

So, for the next 24 hours Elliott laid under the phototherapy lights.  He hated not being held, and cried most of the time.  It broke my heart to have to just sit and listen to him.  We removed him for 30 minutes every two hours to syringe feed him.  Finally, after almost 8 hours he had his first wet diaper.  His urine was dark orange from the bilirubin.  After his first wet diaper he had several more through the night.  We were relieved to know it was finally passing though his system so his levels could drop and he would feel better.





Monday morning I got to meet with a lactation consultant at the hospital.  She helped me work with Elliott on trying to start nursing again.  She gave me a nipple shield and placed a feeding tube in the shield, running some of my expressed colostrum though it using a syringe in order to entice him to latch. It worked! He began latching and nursing again, and by that afternoon, we were able to discontinue supplementing formula.

Elliott enjoying a break from phototherapy for some "skin to skin" time with Dad.

After 24 hours of phototherapy, they drew blood to check Elliott's levels again.  We were thankful to hear that they had dropped from 18.5 to 14.  Dr. Davis, Elliott's pediatrician, asked us to stay for 6 hours without using the lights so they could check his levels later and make sure they would not begin to rise again.  At 7pm Monday evening they drew his blood one final time, and returned to tell us that his levels were now 13.5 and we could go home again.

I felt so much more confident leaving the hospital this time.  My baby was nursing and using the bathroom again, and for that I was very grateful.  We still had a long road ahead with nursing, but we were on the right track, and we were back in our home as a family of three.

Elliott's Birth Story.

[Warning: This will be a very long post, but I want to remember all the details of this wonderful day.]



On January 5th, after a night of very little sleep, awaiting in anxious anticipation the birth of our first child, Gary and I arrived at Baptist Health Medical Clinic's Labor and Delivery wing at 5:30am.  We were admitted quickly and taken to our delivery room, where I changed into my gown and the nurse attached two monitors to my belly: one to monitor Elliott's heartbeat, and one to monitor my contractions.  By 5:45am the nurses were starting the IV through which Pitocin would be administered to start my labor.  At 6:00am, Dr. Chang arrived to check my progress and break my water.  I was still only 50% effaced and 1 centimeter dilated.  When he broke my water, to my surprise there was no pain, just a warm gush and a nervous excitement that it was finally beginning.  At 6:10am the nurse started my pitocin drip, and the waiting began.



After about 30 minutes I began to feel a slight cramping, but nothing more painful than the starting of my menstrual cycle.  We watched Fresh Prince re-runs and my best friend, Laura, came to visit.  By 9:20am I still wasn't feeling the contractions much, so Carrie, my nurse, turned up the pitocin drip.  Within 30 minutes, my contractions had noticeably increased, so Gary called Carrie in to check my progress.  I was now effaced 90% and dilated 2 centimeters.

After the check, my contractions continued to increase.  I began to have a significant amount of back pain, so I had Gary put a heating pad on my lower back.  When that didn't seem to be cutting it, I decided to sit on the side of the bed with my feet on the floor.  This seemed to help relieve some of the pressure on my back and I was able to breathe through the contractions that were now lasting about a minute each and coming every two minutes.  My mom arrived to sit with us, and she and Gary encouraged me and helped take my mind off of the pain.

Carrie returned to check my progress at 11:45am  and I was 90% effaced and 4 centimeters dilated.  After this check, my contractions increased in strength again and the pressure on my lower back returned.  I tried changing positions: standing up, sitting on the side of the bed, bouncing on a yoga ball and lying down, but nothing seemed to relieve the pain and the pressure.  I had wanted to try for a natural labor, but the strength of the contractions caused by a pitocin induced labor proved to be too much.  6 hours in with 6 centimeters to go I felt frustrated and exhausted from getting no rest the night before and having nothing to eat since midnight.  At 12:30pm I requested an epidural, and Carrie started the fluids in my IV while we waited for the anesthesiologist to arrive.

At 1:15pm, after receiving one full bag of fluids, the anesthesiologist arrived with my epidural.  Carrie checked me one more time and I was now 5 centimeters dilated.  The fluids made me freezing cold, and the contractions were making it hard to sit still, but I leaned over the side of the bed and held on to Carrie as the anesthesiologist administered the epidural.  Within just a few minutes I began to feel relief.  They laid me back and and covered me with a heated blanket to warm me up.  My entire left side began to feel heavy, but I could still feel the contractions on my right side, so they rolled me on my right side so the medicine could spread evenly, and within a few minutes I was completely numb.  What a huge relief to be able to lay back and rest a while before it would be time to push!  At 1:45pm Carrie decided to check me again before she left to help another patient, I was now at 6 centimeters and 90% effaced.

Shortly after Carrie left, she returned with another nurse who had been monitoring Elliott's heartbeat at the nurse's station.  They were concerned because his heart rate had dropped from the 130 range to the 80s.  They shifted me around from one side to the other until his heart rate slowly started to rise again.  The nurse decided that the contractions may have been getting a little too strong for Elliott, so she turned off the pitocin drip and gave me some oxygen.  I instantly began to worry that I made the wrong decision in getting the epidural, that maybe the pain medicine was what had caused his heart rate to drop.  I was exhausted and my body wanted nothing more than to sleep, but every time I would start to drift off, I would wake up to look at the monitor and see what his heart rate was.  It jumped around from 90 to 140, and I could not rest until I knew for sure he was safe.

At 3:30pm Carrie checked me again, and to my disappointment I was still only 6 centimeters dilated.  She decided to turn the pitocin drip back on and see if my body would pick up the pace again.  30 minutes later, after beginning to feel some pressure, she checked me again.  This time I was at 7 centimeters.  She left and I continued to drift in and out of sleep, keeping my eye on Elliott's heart rate every few minutes.

At 5:00pm, Dr. Chang entered the delivery room.  He said he had just finished working and wanted to check my progress.  To my surprise, when he checked me I was full dilated and effaced and he told us it was time to push.  My mom called the rest of the family to tell them we were getting close, then headed to the waiting room to await the arrival of her first grandchild.

Dr.  Chang and a nurse (Carrie was busy helping another patient, so a new nurse stepped in to assist Dr. Chang) helped me put my legs in the stirrups and instructed me on how to push: they would tell me when I was having a contraction and then I was to take a deep breath, bear down for 10 seconds and repeat 3 times, then I could rest until the next contraction.  The nurse held my left leg and Gary held my right leg while Dr. Chang felt my belly for the contractions and massaged my perineum to make it easier for Elliott's head to come through.  After about 30 minutes of pushing Dr. Chang said he could see Elliott's head and that he had a head full of dark hair.  This gave me the strength I needed to keep pushing even though I was exhausted.

We continued our pushing pattern for another 30 minutes.  Gary was doing a great job of encouraging me to keep going even though I was feeling exhausted between pushes.  Dr. Chang told us Elliott's head was a little too big for me and that between every push it was slipping back inside instead of coming out, and asked if he could use a vacuum to help pull Elliott out.  At this point I was ready to try anything if it meant getting my baby here.  He attached the vacuum to Elliott's head, and I began pushing again.  After just a few pushes I could feel a lot of pressure, and Gary told me his head was out.  A few more pushes and his whole body emerged at 6:00pm on the dot.  The nurses and Dr. Chang both commented that he looked like a big baby, bigger than they had anticipated.  He wasn't crying immediately, so Dr. Chang had Gary cut the cord and he handed him off to the nurses to have him suctioned.  Gary started snapping pictures, and I laid there watching the nurses, amazed that he was finally here.  After what seemed like an eternity, he started to cry and when I heard his voice for the first time I did too.  They cleaned him off and put him on the scale.  He weighed 8 pounds, 11 ounces and measured 20 1/4 inches long.




The nurses came and laid him skin to skin on my chest.  He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen.  Gary leaned over and kissed me and told me what a good job I had done, and we both just stared at him in amazement.  Dr. Chang finished delivering the placenta, and sewing up the episiotomy he had to preform, and then he and the nurses left the three of us alone to bond.  The first few minutes we had as a family of three are some of the best minutes of my life.  What a special time to have my husband by my side and my newborn baby healthy in my arms!  Within the first 30 minutes, he was ready to eat.  I was amazed by how he already knew what to do.  I nursed him for a few minutes, and then Gary went to call the family back to meet him.




We had a steady stream of family and friends come to visit until about 9:00 when the nursery nurse came to get Elliott for his bath and my nurse came to move us to our postpartum room.  Everyone commented on how much hair he had and what a pretty baby he was.  He was very alert, looking around and taking everyone in.





That evening when the nurse brought him back to our room all cleaned up in the bassinet, we both just stared at him for at least an hour while he slept, so amazed that we had made something so perfect together, and thankful that God chose us to be his parents.


The first night was a sleepless one.  Elliott woke me to eat every two hours, and nurses were in and out checking on both me and him.  On Friday he was circumcised, and was sleepy most of the day, making it hard for me to get him to nurse until around 7pm.  Several more friends and family stopped by to meet Elliott, and we all watched the Razorbacks win the Cotton Bowl from our hospital beds that evening.

On Saturday morning Elliott's pediatrician, Dr. Davis checked on him and gave him a good report, and the on-call OBGYN checked on me and gave me a good report.  We were both discharged and told to come back in the morning so Elliott could have some more blood work done since his bilirubin levels were borderline when Dr. Davis saw him.  I felt a little nervous about going home, because I hadn't been able to get Elliott to nurse much since the first night, but I was excited to be back in our home as a family of three.




We arrived at home Saturday afternoon and showed Elliott his new home, introducing him to his sisters, Maggie and Lola, who were very curious about what he was.  The past two and a half days were days we will never forget, days that changed our family forever.